13 Dec Backbone 100 Countdown (100-91)
Ah shit, here we go again…
100. Limp Bizkit ‘Dad Vibes’
Another year, another insight into the inner workings of my sociopathic mind. Fair warning for all, just because I’ve deemed your song good enough for this list, does not mean I need to write a single word that relates to the songs in question. Last year some peanut had the gaul to tell me that I should talk about all 100 songs in great description. Honestly how many times can someone say “sick breakdown” before blowing your own head off with Model 1887 Akimbo Shotguns? Come for the placements, stay for the write ups.
99. ATLVS ‘Nazarath’
If you had to physically fight an animal, which animal would you choose? Instantly I opted for something easy like a cat, but nobody wants to be friends with the guy who beat the ever loving shit out of Garfield. On the other hand, you can’t go for a Rhino because you will literally be murdered. Hm, maybe a Panda? Don’t get me wrong, Pandas are cute, but if Tropic Thunder is anything to go by, you can viciously murder a Panda and you will still sympathise with Tugg Speedman. Is it weird that I’m vegan and asking this question? Oh well, moving on.
98. Paledusk ‘WIND BACK’
Another question I love unpacking is the “how many 12 year olds could you beat up” debate. People always get weirdly cautious when answering this conundrum, realistically the answer is simple, as many as you want. Picture this, the first 12 year old approaches, you make an example of the child, I’m assuming these children have feelings, so seeing little Timmy get pummelled will strike fear into the rest of the heard. Someone tried to tell me that in this scenario, the children have no emotions, but that would mean that they’re zombie children, so I’m one bite away from death at al times. I guess in that case I’d get through about a dozen.
97. Vatic ‘Reaver’
Unpopular opinion, The Big Bang Theory is severely over hated. Now I’m not saying that the show is the pinnacle of television, but what I am saying is that I have watched all 12 seasons twice now, and it kinda rules. I remember my mum walking into my room as I was watching the show, she turned to me and said that I reminded her of Sheldon Cooper, I have never in all my years on this earth been more infuriated by such a passing remark. Then I watched Young Sheldon and it all made sense to me.
96. Visioner ‘Psyche’
Full disclosure and promise not to make fun of me, for the past 3 years I have been slowly planning out my wedding. Only issue is that I don’t have someone to marry yet, I call this a “minor detail” but my friends are worried about me. The funnest thing about planning your imaginary wedding is deciding which relatives get the nod to attend the event. With Christmas coming up, tryouts will once again be commencing for this historic (imaginary) event. I for one can’t wait to go full Homer Simpson cutting the football team on their asses. Piss off Steve you got me socks for Christmas so you are cut.
95. Chasing Ghosts ‘Summer’
By far the hottest take so far, John Cena has a better movie catalogue than Jennifer Anniston. Seriously can someone name me one great Jennifer Anniston movie? We’re the Millers/Horrible Bosses are both good but not great, after that what do you have? Along Came Fucking Polly? Marley & Me? Fuck outta here with that disrespect. The following John Cena movies are 10/10, Blockers, The Suicide Squad, Vacation Friends, The Marine, when he beat The Rock at Wrestlemania 29. How many times has Jennifer Anniston won at Wrestlemania huh? FUCKING ZERO, checkmate.
94. Dying Wish ‘Fragments of a Bitter Memory’
Remember when that singer pissed on the fans face a couple months back? What a wild fucking time. Like how does something like that happen? Is it an exclusive VIP(EE) package? I also love how the singer made a statement afterwards saying she got “carried away”, CARRIED AWAY?! YOU URINATED ON SOMEONES FACE LIVE ON STAGE, me cracking out an extra mini tub of hummus is getting “carried away”. Anyway, wonder what the fan is up too now, like did he go home to his wife and tell her that he is pissed off about what happened? Haha pissed on more like it AMIRITE.
93. Whatever, Forever ‘Paterson’
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you
(You’ll stay in my heart and I will love you)
(We never will part Oh, how I love you)
(That’s how it must be to live without you)
Would only mean heartbreak for me, ooh
92. DEADNERVE ‘Spit’
Earlier this year rapper 6ix9ine had his Spotify hacked and holy fuck did it make me cackle. First of all, the cover image got changed to a massive penis which still to this day lives in my head rent free. But more so, in the bio someone wrote and I quote “my mom pussy stank”, like who the fuck says that holy shit I’m in tears at the absurdity of it all. Imagine 6ix9ine wakes up with TMZ at the door wanting confirmation on whether his mothers parts do in fact “stank”.
91. Yours Truly ‘Walk Over My Grave’
I’ve been playing Madden 21 with a friend these last couple months and I tell ya what, we have zero clue about the rules to this game. All I wanted to do is start a season with Pittsburgh, win a cheeky Super Bowl, and see if there’s a mini game with me performing the half-time show. Three weeks in, they tell me to sign a new “safety”, what the fuck is a safety there ain’t nothing safe about this sport. Then they tell me I have to cut 12 players from the squad, so I do hours of research seeing which players have families and who needs the money the most so I can make the cuts. THEN THEY JUST RANDOMLY DO IT FOR ME, JOHNSON HAS 4 FUCKING KIDS AND YOU JUST CUT HIM YOU UNEDUCATED FUCK. So I quit the season in protest for Johnson no longer being in the squad.