20 Dec Backbone 100 Countdown (50-41)
50. liveConformdie ‘Terrorwave’
Hey, are you sick of drug dealers trying to become friends with you? Does your smack dealer keep passing out on your couch? Has your weed dealer been living on your couch for the past 2 weeks? Well yeehaw boy howdy do I have a solution for you, introducing OnlyGrams. OnlyGrams eliminates that awkward conversation you have with your drug dealer and gives you all the gear without having any idea about your dealers life. Too many times have drug dealers seen Pineapple Express and wanted to be that James Franco dealer, I say no more, subscribe to OnlyGrams today for only $420 per week.
49. Relapse ‘Sabotage’
Are you sick of being recommended music that is complete and utter dog water? Do all your friends give that illusive tick of approval a little bit too easily? Well YEEEEEEEEHAW let’s go put a horse on some train tracks like on Red Dead Redemption cos I got an offer for you. Introducing, OnlyJams, this service eliminates all prog from your pathetic life and gives you non stop flame emojis all summer long (all summer long by Kid Rock not included). Better yet, we’ve teamed up with Cottee’s to offer up monthly Jam packages for the whole family. Now you can jam out to some jams all while spreading some jam onto your jam on toast, IM ON FUCKING METH RIGHT NOW. Subscribe now for only $52.67 per month (5267 spells out Jams on a phone keypad, I’m clever like that).
48. Repriever ‘Grim’
Tell you what holds up after all these years? 2 Girls 1 Cup. I thought after years of seeing progressively more vile things in my life, I would be desensitised to the infamous video. But alas a friend of mine recommended the artistic masterpiece and I tell ya what, it’s still fucking grim. I’m not gonna drop any spoilers because some of the plot twists would rival The Sixth Sense, but yeah, it’s fucked up. Despite my feelings towards the video, I actually felt a little more at peace after viewing it. A necessary evil and a pivotal piece of internet culture for so many of us, honestly was robbed of an Oscar nod.
47. Stand Atlantic ‘molotov [OK]’
Ok I can’t in all good conscience give you 10 OnlyFans spin-off ideas. But I will tell you the other that I had written down. Firstly to get into the Christmas spirit, OnlyHams. Secondly, for exclusive content of our sexy premier, OnlyDans. Finally, do you love watching the Jackass movies but love one person just that little bit more than the rest? Subscribe to OnlyBams for all that exclusive Bam Magera content….I just checked with my legal team and they have told me that at least 2 of those suggestions could end in lawsuits, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad I guess.
46. Alt. ‘Devil’s Cut’
I went on a fishing charter once, determined to catch a fish for the first time in my life. Must have spent an hour out there putting bait on my line, throwing it in, waiting, reeling it back in the find an empty lure. I’d say on my 15th attempt I just left the line out of frustration, only pulling it up when the charter told us it was time to move. I reel it in and BAM, full blown fish attached to the end of it. I either caught the laziest fish in the world that couldn’t be bothered trying to escape or a suicidal fish that wanted to do the fish version of hanging itself. Maybe the charter guides felt bad for me and had someone in a scuba suit attaching discounted Woolworths deli fish to the end of peoples lures? We’ll never know.
45. Ghost Chant ‘Nothing Worth Keeping’
Does anyone actually find Jerry Seinfeld funny? Seinfeld was a cool show and all but Jerry is about as likeable as Carrot-Top. That man must be richer than god. I remember when he was on David Letterman promoting that the re-runs of his show had changed timeslots. RE-RUNS! That episode where they lose the car in the carpark is pretty good though ey. I think I remember hearing that the other guys made next to nothing from syndication. Maybe that’s why Jason Alexander did Shallow Hal and Michael Richards turned into a racist. Anything for a buck I guess.
44. Up Late ‘YOU PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL!’
I’m 80% sure that this song was written about me. True story, I once wrote a rap song for a class project to the tune of Not Afraid by Eminem. After I received a standing ovation, the teacher sat me down and asked “is everything you said in that song true?”. Now some of the songs lyrics were about how I murdered someone for kidnapping my imaginary daughter on the streets of New York City, I’m also 15 years old. I literally nodded my head while saying “not a single word”. The class erupted with laughter, pretty sure they started chanting ‘Frowny’ over and over. It was all downhill from there.
43. Void of Vision ‘Gothika’
Gothika is a 2003 movie starring Halle Berry. Disturbia is a 2007 psychological thriller starring Shia Labeouf. The question now becomes, which movie will Void of Vision use next? Hi guys we’re Void of Vision and this is our new song titled ‘Freddy Got Fingered’. Check out our new album titled ‘Norbit‘, with our first single ‘Big Mommas House 2‘ coming this Friday, endless possibilities honestly. I’m 100% down for Void if Vision to turn into an early 2000s movie reference band, fuck Ice Nine Kills.
42. Every Time I Die ‘Dark Distance’
How wild is it that Will Smith was going to play the role of Neo in The Matrix before turning it down for Wild Wild West. Imagine the banger song Will Smith could have made for The Matrix. Was that the go back in the day, get Will Smith to do your movie and he’ll write a song for you? Clint Eastwood did a song at the end of Gran Torino I wonder if Will Smith was his influence. What other movies needed a Will Smith song, Marley & Me? The dog dies at the end and all you hear is Will Smith rapping about how Marley was both a literal dog and his brotherly dog, fucking poetic that.
41. Trophy Eyes ’27 Club’
Who is the greatest athlete of all time? I think it comes down to either Michael Phelps or Usain Bolt. Phelps is essentially Aquaman in real life, this fucker won 23 gold medals across 4 different Olympic Games, that’s nutty. Usain Bolt winning the 100m & 200m Gold 3 Olympics in a row is equally impressive. Usain Bolt kinda ruined it for everyone else, some guy won the 100m this year and nobody cared. Even tho Phelps has a more impressive stats, not everyone has the facilities to swim, nearly everyone can run. Other candidates are Tom Brady, Serena Williams, Michael Jordan & David Hasslehoff for his Spongebob Movie Cameo.