13 Dec Backbone 100 Countdown (50-41)
50. Architects ‘Animals’
Nickelback wrote a song called Animals, allow me to recite some of the poetry from that song.
You’re, beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It’s hard, to steer when you’re breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
What a ridiculous set of lyrics
Nickelback > Architects confirmed
49. Every Time I Die ‘Desperate Pleasures’
Guitarist Andy Williams is a wrestler for AEW under the name “The Butcher“. What a fucking terrible name that is, which kindergarten brainstorm session did you wander into to come up with that dribble. I bet the kid who shouted that out probably gives himself a nickname like T-Sex or Sick Nick. Those were my self appointed nicknames in kindergarten at least. Anyway shoot the kid who came up with the name and tell Andy he can square up whenever he wants the smoke.
48. DVSR ‘Devil on my Shoulder’
Why is the devil always on the shoulder? Why not the devil in my sternum or the devil in my right atrium? Also, how big is this devil? I have had 3 operations on my left shoulder from being Sick Nick for my entire life, so any devil bigger than a hamster ima struggle to carry around for the day. Maybe a pet devil on a lead would be cool to have, but I imagine it’d just shit everywhere uncontrollably, then I’d be a different type of Sick Nick.
47. Polaris ‘Landmine’
Django Unchained is a fantastic movie, truly excellent from start to finish. At one point Django is shooting some dickheads and he’s using a body as a human meat shield Gears of War style to protect himself. Poor shieldy boy gets shot into pieces by his own friends, what a shit way to go. Anyway when I listen to this song I feel like that shieldy boy getting repeatably shot by weird cowboys. Cowdoy would sort em right out if you ask me.
46. Alpha Wolf ‘Restricted (R18+)’
When I was a kid I walked into a Sanity and started listening to Limp Bizkit ‘Significant Other’ on headphones while attempting to sing along to lyrics that I had not heard yet. I politely asked my mum if I could have the CD and to my surprise she said yes. Fast forward to her reading the lyric booklet on the way home and saying that I wasn’t allowed to listen past the first song. Are you fucking kidding me? $25 spent just so you can listen to a fucking intro track, what a stitch up.
45. Ocean Grove ‘Sunny’
The older I get the more I realise day drinking is the way to go. Every hour that I stay awake after 11pm costs me an extra $350 and I honestly don’t have the finances or stamina to do that anymore. Now that i think about it I haven’t had any ‘vitamins’ since before quarantine so ima lock myself in a room with a DVD boxset of Prison Break and not come outside until I see that weirdos hand get chopped off (end of season 1).
44. Bring Me the Horizon ‘Teardrops’
I’m trying to remember the last time I cried and I think it was the season finale of 13 Reasons Why of all things. The entire season was dog shit but that final episode had me blubbering like that time I worse pyjamas to kindergarten on a non pyjama day. I still haven’t forgiven my mum for that, was the laughing stock of the entire place for the entire week. If you’re reading this mum I haven’t forgiven you, sleep with one eye open.
43. Teeth ‘Deathrace’
Death Race the movie was fucking mint. That big British bloke played the exact same character he always plays and the movie plays like GTA on crack. If I was to build a car for the movie I’d go full Mario Kart and just eat a whole heap of bananas before hand, dropping them behind me at every opportunity. Obviously I would die from an overdose of potassium but lord I’d die happy. Bananas rule, so does Gwen Stefani.
42. Body Count ‘Point the Finger’
My sister once caught me stealing Salt n Vinegar chippies one night. I begged her not to tell the parents and at the time she agreed to keep it a secret because of all the times I vouched for her in the past. Fast forward mere 15 minutes and in comes mum with a face full on anger and an empty bag of chippies. Thing is, I didn’t eat the entire packet, I ate a few chippies and my sister ate the rest and then told mum I ate them all, what a conniving human.
41. Violent Soho ‘Sleep Year’
Violent Soho are the U2 of Australian music. Not in terms of music or aesthetic or anything meaningful like that, but simply the word ‘yeah’. Rumour has it, if you were to play Vertigo and Covered In Chrome at the exact same time, a worm hole will open up and we will all enter a new dimension like in Interstellar. There are 49 ‘yeahs’ between the two songs, if you play them all back to back it still doesn’t come close to the longest ‘yeah boy’ ever.