Backbone 100 Countdown (80-71)

80. Headwreck ‘Freefall’

Holy shit this story is funny. So when I was young, my parents were convinced I was autistic, so obviously I believed them. Fast forward a few months and my dad took me down to the local driving range to hit some golf balls. Some random guy said that he liked my action (creepy), and asked me what my handicap was as a joke. I turned to the guy and said (holy fuck I shouldn’t say this) “no handicap, I’m just autistic”, THE GUY LITERALLY TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY. My dad had to explain to me why my actions were bad and that handicap in golfing terms meant something completely different. I was like 7 years old so this was pre blu-stick era Frowny. Fuck me I’m an idiot.

79. Ocean Sleeper ‘Forever Sinking’

Got a funny schoolies story. So we’re on the Gold Coast, and every time you left your hotel you weren’t allowed to have any open drinks with you, otherwise security would punish you. Lil ole Frowny wasn’t aware of this rule and when the security confronted me, I decided to neck 2 full Cruisers at once. Pretty harmless affair I would say, the two security guards pushed me up against a wall, and asked me what floor I was staying at, I replied with “Your mums floor“, now that wasn’t a smart move. They threatened to throw me off the building and tbh it kinda scared the shit out of me. Fast forward to when we were leaving, I told the manager about the security to which they replied, “our security doesn’t start at that time sir I don’t know who those gentlemen were”. So these fuckers were just terrorising 18 year olds for the fun of it. Kinda wish now that I did come from “Your mums floor“.

78. JunkHead ‘inVAIN’

One day in the not so distant future we will look back and all utter the phrase “fuck moi 2010s electronic pop duo LMFAO had some bangers”. Imagine if Red Foo and Sky Blu were around today, they would literally own TikTok. Party Rock Anthem, BANGER, Sexy and I Know It, BANGER, MOTHER FARKING SHOTS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Jesus take the wheel I have never shaken my badonkadonk harder then when Shots got played at Rose’s 16th Birthday party. If anyone comes close to beating Kanye West as the objective GOAT, it’s LMFAO.

77. Wildheart ‘Backburner’

You gotta think though, how hard would it have been for LMFAO to pop off when both members were in their late 30s early 40s. I’m 28 and can’t have more than 2 shots per calendar year. This group have a song that says the word shots 33 times per spin (I legit counted them out). True story, I was kicked out of 3 different clubs in 1 night doing the Sexy and I Know It dance. I probably deserved the punishment but 2 of the places wouldn’t even let me pull up my pants before dragging me out.

76. Lune ‘Factory Fires/Funeral Pyre (Outward)’

Boys we need to have a little chat. Can someone with more than 3 braincells please explain to me what the actual the fuck the title of this song is. It reads like each member picked a random word from a crossword puzzle and slapped em all together. Not to mention the fucking ‘/’ and the bloody ‘()’ making things look like a Lionel Hutz business card. That being said I consistently tell people that they’re aren’t any original song titles left, then Lune drop this and I complain. Guess that makes me a silly goose.

75. Bad Juju ‘In the Clouds’

You know what makes no fucking sense, The Hunger Games. There’s a guy in the first movie who worked in a bakery, and when he gets into the game he paints himself as a fucking rock to blend in. First of all, that’s horse shit, secondly, how many dipshits come into a bakery and ask for a cake that looks the boulder from fucking Crash Bandicoot? I’ll tell you the answer, fucking zilch. Also isn’t his territory (I can’t remember the term they use) poor as fuck? How is Leonardo Di Fuckface getting access to these supplies? If someone answers this with “they explain it in the book” ima fly kick em in the dome piece.

74. To The Grave ‘(REC)’

Why do we never question magicians? Some random guy doing a simple card trip will reveal a decade long secret that you only told your stuffed Tasmanian Devil, and we’ll just nod our heads like seals. How did he know that? Why did he know that? How long have my stuffed Tasmanian Devils been betraying me for? Why is all this widely accepted, and why aren’t the CIA FBI & AFL not looking into this further? Why aren’t we running all kinds of tests on the mindfreak known as Chris Angel? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

73. Mirrors ‘Purple Static’

Every Christmas me and the cousins always get two relatives confused from one another. It’s gotten to the point where we literally have group chat meetings before hand pointing out the subtle differences between the two. Honest to god I don’t even know what relation they are to me. We had it locked down for a couple years then fucking Di had to change her hair colour to match Sue, now it’s a fucking nightmare again. Even worse, a couple of other relatives have caught wind of this and have been fucking with us for years on end. Can’t wait to flip a coin Christmas day and try my luck.

72. Pendulum ‘Come Alive’

If you go on Netflix you will be able to watch/play a game called “Escaping The Undertaker”. Basically it’s a choose your own adventure style game but there’s a problem, I can’t fucking win. I’ve tried to escape this old cunts house at least 7 times, and every time he develops these magic powers and zaps me into a coffin or some shit. I even tried turning evil because that seemed like the only option left, and instead of escaping the house, I NOW FUCKING LIVE IN IT. Honestly this add more fuel to my magician theory.

71. The Amity Affliction ‘Like Love’

How’s this for ambitious. So a friend of mine recently invited me to go on a week long holiday on the Gold Coast……in February 2023. Keep in mind there will be 4 couples attending, 3 of which have children, and lil ole Frowny would be the 9th wheel. Sometimes I wonder how someone this charismatic could be single, and then I re-read all of the dribble that I’ve been saying and I think “yeah makes sense”. OMG I literally just got a new Tinder match as I’m typing, this could be the one #prayforfrowny.

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