14 Dec Backbone 100 Countdown (90-81)
90. Vermont ‘Erased’
True story, up until I was 8 years old, I used to think Blu-Sticks were eatable. So when my mum would pack my lunch, I would always get her to put a Blu-Stick in my lunchbox. She never connected the dots that her son could be munching on a peanut butter sandwich and a fucking hunk of glue for lunch every day, but I guess who would make that connection. I used to call them ‘food sticks’ to my friends and never wondered why I was the only one who ate them, how I’ve survived this long in life will forever be a mystery.
89. Teeth ‘Voodoo Priestess’
Another story from my childhood, me and my sister would watch a TV show called The Gummy Bears. After consuming some liquid that I can only imagine being heroin, these Gummy Bears would jump around like their hopped up on Mountain Dew in a quest to avoid the evil Ogres. When the theme song would play, me and my sister would jump around, and randomly beat the shit out of mum while screaming “ogre evil” over and over. My memory may be a little hazy but I do remember her falling over and her snapping her ankle…or am I thinking of the movie Zombieland? Sorry mum either way..
88. Ovtsider ‘Coward’
I remember going up to Adelaide a couple years back and having the vocalist from Ovtsider Tom pick me up from the airport. I told him what time I was arriving and that I would be at Terminal 1. He laughed at me and told me that Adelaide airport only has one Terminal, which made me question why Adelaide is even a city to begin with. We then proceeded to do sick burnouts around the cop station while he sang Radioactive by Imagine Dragons at the top of his lungs. Safe to say I have not been back since, but regardless I appreciated the hospitality.
87. Northlane ‘Echo Chamber’
If you could go to prison for any amount of time without having a criminal record, would you do it? Personally my morbid curiosity would make me want to attend for at least a month. Not really interested in joining a crew, but I am interested in recreating season 1 of Prison Break. That show fucking ruled, I used to watch The O.C Tuesday nights, Prison Break Wednesday nights & Lost Thursday nights. Now I watch The Big Bang Theory on repeat, oh how the mighty have fallen.
86. Nankasi ‘Apophenia’
Perth is a funny place, when flat earthers had the wild claim that Australia didn’t exist, I assume they were meaning just Perth. Hell even I’m not sure if the place exists, flights are so expensive how in the fuck can I prove it either way? Wild opinion, I hope flat earthers are somehow correct, just for the chaos of it all. Like even if they are correct, what really changes anyway? Actually that’s not true, I’d be strapping a Go-Pro on a bunch of Pineapples and throwing them off the edge to see what happens. I have no idea if this is even the flat earth theory, but I don’t really think they know either.
85. Hacktivist ‘Hyperdialect’
Picture this, a young 13 year old Frowny has been given his first mobile phone for his birthday. He cannot wait to show everyone at school, but when he does, they all laugh at Frowny because apparently my phone is a “girly”. Fuck outta here with that negativity, they made fun of it because it was a flip phone with a mirror on the outside. Fast forward a month to school photo day, and guess who had allllll the homies wanting to use my phone to check if their trim was on point. For some reason our school had no clean mirrors so my phone was the only viable option.
84. The Dead Love ‘If You Say So’
Is it bad that I truly believe I could physically beat up every band in the Australian scene? People call it “Kanye confidence” but I legit think I could. Not even in a series of 1v1 matches either. I’m talking get the entirety of The Gloom in the Corner attacking me at once, I’m still coming out on top. Fuck it I’ll go one further, if all 42 members of Slipknot were standing in front of me, I’d probably get through every one of them minus the big guitarist, that cunt looks mean. But I guess we’ll never find out cos all you bands are a bunch of baby back bitches, anytime anywhere I’m coming round scrappin.
83. Earthbound ‘Silence’
The boys from Earthbound consider themselves quite the capable gamers which had me thinking what the top 3 games are of all time. At number 3 we have Small Soldiers the video game. I loved this game so much, that I would leave my PS1 on overnight, because I didn’t have a memory card. More than once this would cause a power outage in the house, but I would blame it on my Guinea Pigs at the time. Number 2 we have Singstar, fucking any variation as well, non stop hits, non stop fun, I’m 90% sure that Karaoke was popularised off the back of this game…Number 1 without question is Buzz, true story I once broke my own Buzz controller, then went over to my friends house and swapped my broken controller with his. I may be the worst person on this earth now that I think about it.
82. Architects ‘Dead Butterflies’
Why does Sam Carter just seem so grumpy all the time? The dude has the greatest guest vocal feature ever on Band of Brothers, but still looks like he was an audience member on the Oprah show after they all got a free vacation to Australia. Fuck that was an iconic moment aye, did Ellen try to replicate that years later? Stupid Ellen, stop abusing your co workers and come up with an original idea for once. Man this write-up is all over the shop even for my standards, did you know Dr Phil earns a reported 65.5 million a year?
81. Trash Boat ‘Bad Entertainment’ (feat. Milkie Way)
From daytime TV shows to the late shows, Conan O’Brien is the funniest late night host of all time. I will not tolerate any other answer if I’m being honest, that red headed fuck had me in stitches constantly. Fuck it, I’m not linking the song, I’m linking a funny Conan clip to prove my point. David Letterman is probably the only other acceptable answer….his massive beard freaks me out though, who made that stylistic choice for Letterman to look homeless? Probably Sam Carter the miserable fuck, shut up Sam and say BLEGH when we tell you.